Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
Youre putting yourself out there to meet some people of your intellectual caliber. I think it - the work, the wait - will be worth it. At the very least, you will be doing good work and contributing THAT to the world. And speaking as an old person, that is gratifying. Dont let these bad feelings now keep you from reaching your goals. That is something i struggle with - getting sidetracked.  |
I'm really not though. I met this person by chance. And I could have just asked him out for coffee, but I didn't. Heck, I still could (even if he
is with someone else, he has female friends) but I feel like I made a fool of myself. I don't even know that he knows I read into everything, but that's how I perceive it.
Everything in me wants to email him and just freaking ask him for clarification. I've started to about three times tonight but I can't think of how I would do that without sounding like a crazy person. The last email we exchanged was in February, and it was just the one about his mother.
He really isn't what this is about. Because even if he were to be interested in me, look at how I'm reacting. I can't handle ambiguity. I can't handle distress. I'm sitting here wanting to die because of the fact that someone I've seen exactly four times may have just started dating someone else. This is about the fact that nothing has changed from the last time I was with someone until now. So how could I know that and still be with him, especially when he grew up with a mentally ill mother? Come on...that would be irresponsible of me.
No. This is about the fact that I want to be normal and I never will be.