(((AnnaFlower))) - thanks!

Hvert... wow! That is crazy that you could get them better service for 1/3 the cost, and they are turning that down! Do you think that they *really* believe there's something wrong with the companies that you found? Or do you think somebody maybe has a deal/relationship with the vendor in place? Ugh, what a pain, and how crazy... I bet your head was just spinning at all of it, they don't want to pay to have proper admin staff, but you offer to save them a significant amount of money, and they pass! Ha! Maybe all you can do is sit back, shake your head at the craziness, and keep looking for your next job?!

And, omg - that CEO sounds nuts. Once again, I'm wondering how places like this manage to stay in business. It makes me wonder exactly how high the bar is to keep a business running? I always *assumed* it was difficult, but.. *ahem*.

Hey, maybe the CEO has manic-depression. When's he's manic, he starts to think the sky's the limit for spending, and then reality hits when he's depressed and he doesn't want to change anything! I have trouble thinking of any other way to understand the type of behavior you're describing!

And... ugh! I'm sorry you're still having to deal with stupidity like this, even as a consultant. Learning to disengage sounds like a good plan! Do you think you can find a way to just step away from it and say, "nope, I'm done for today, not going to let myself think or worry about it!"? (It probably works best if you have other things to think about instead... you know, the "don't think about a pink elephant" thing!)

re: Moms... oh gosh, I don't know. Maybe they're just generally bad at teaching driving, but really, seriously, if you knew how hands-off my mom was, it's kind of appalling. I don't remember a lot of my childhood, but the little things I remember.... aye.

I wish you had had a better experience with learning to drive too! They actually offered driver's ed at my high school, and everyone signed up, except me. I was such an idiot! I signed up for.... creative writing! I was *dying* to take a writing class. And then, not enough people signed up, the class got cancelled, driver's ed was already full, and I got assigned to home economics... which was painful (think: "here's how we sift flour!").

But again, had either of my parents been paying attention, or had the least clue or interest in what I was doing, or just a modicum of desire to actually "parent", they might have stopped me and said, "Have you thought this through? You're going to need to be able to drive... a driver's ed class would be a big help!"

I know, it's a small example. But, there were plenty of big ones too. Just crazy stuff. I have a younger brother that spent an alarming amount of time chasing my sister and I around with a very large knife, trying to kill us! My mom's reaction was, "Oh just ignore him, he just wants attention." All I can think now is, "Seriously? When the kid is running around with a butcher knife and slashing under bedroom doors to try to get at people, maybe he NEEDS some ATTENTION!" *sigh*!

Sorry, not to whip out the crazy! Just... ugh. My mom has this very almost pleasant demeanor, like she expects we can be best friends now that I'm all grown up, and I'm just so not up for that at all! Nope, sorry!

Thanks for the believe on the vitamins! I know it sounds a little crazy, but I don't care, it's made a difference and I'm actually up and doing things, and not just crashed out in bed with no desire to get up even for a shower. I don't even care if they're a placebo, I'm keeping them!

I've actually got the bottle sitting right in front of my computer. When I get up, I bring breakfast into my office and get online, so I take a vitamin then.

And... ah therapy. Yeah, it's really hard. I went today, and am totally wiped out from it. I didn't quit. I almost did. I *did* manage to tell him, "I don't hate you, but I really HATE therapy" and he took it surprisingly well. It's so hard, because I absolutely believe he wants to help, but I'm not sure if he can... *sigh*. I don't want to quit until I feel *sure* that it's not going to be useful, but in the meantime, it's not cheap!

"And this is one of those situations where it's just impossible to tell if it's some kind of internal resistance or a logical conclusion."

Yup! I can't tell at all. Part of it is, I know there are things I need to deal with in therapy. But, I don't really know what a successful therapy experience looks like. Everybody seems to love their therapist and feel good, supported, and empathized with - and I just don't. But I don't know how much of that is me (bad attachment patterns from my crappy parents!) versus reality. And, he really has been better at handling my stuff than any of the others I've tried, and I know I am NOT an easy person to do therapy on.

I told him today that I think I'm "not therapatizable" And he said, "well, you're *hard* to therapitize, but not impossible!" LOL.

And, yeah, it would definitely be less awful it were cheaper, but the problem is... I've had some really awful experiences, and this guy actually seems to have his own stuff in order, enough that me telling him how horrible therapy is doesn't make him defensive or freak out. (One past therapist thought I hated him because I couldn't open up and talk! Ugh, it had nothing to do with him!)

And, yikes to your overlapping schedule today! That's sounds crazy, I hope you got it all worked out. You've got to get some fun in though! Even if it's just a quick walk around the block to get some fresh air. Are you still working on the pottery at all, it sounded like you really enjoyed that... maybe that would be a good way to turn off thinking about the crazy workplace?

[I had to delete some smilies! I got a message that I had 14, and the maximum allowed for messages is 12! I want to add a surprised look here, but that will put me over the limit... so imagine my eyes wide with surprise!!!)