I guess so. I don't feel schizoaffective. They said I was. Am I though? I don't know. I don't have hallucinations. I don't see ****. I'm not schizophrenic. I don't have a mood disorder. I am completely normal. Yet they say I am schizoaffective? I never understood it. Just depressed and a problem that if I don't take meds I can't leave my house.

I don't get treated irl like I have an illness.

Not like others with like a physical wound. I don't get special treatment. No one is really on my side. A bunch of people who act nice but think differently. They are all out for themselves or they think low of me. I had a thing of people but because I am so distant they just disappeared on me and I was never helped by them again. They said they would help me? They didn't. They abandoned me just like everyone else. To them I didn't exist. To most I don't exist.

No one would know if I died.

I'd like to die. I have a good idea on how I'd do it.

Not to say I'm going to kill myself because I know this place isn't for suicide help. You'll just tell me to call a hotline or something else I won't bother listening to. I get a sick sort of pleasure thinking about it though. It's a freeing idea.

"It doesn't matter because hey! I'll be dead!"