It's great that you're assessing your life and looking honestly at yourself. That's rarer than you might think.

I think that finding the right person to talk to about this is a good step. It could be a counselor or a life coach or anyone who will help you to examine your values and your actions and to help you decide how to bring those back in alignment.

You may end up getting a diagnosis of depression or anxiety during this process or maybe not. I can't tell from what you wrote.

I don't know if you are a religious/spiritual person. I have found pastoral counselors to be good resources. They are great for talking to about your views about life, the meaning of life in your eyes, what you think your purpose in life is and how you're achieving or not achieving it, etc. I have seen two different ones & they were more of a mix of spirituality + psychology rather than a "Bible counselor". Very open to discussing the "big questions".

There are some very good and wise people doing life coaching as well.

I'm mentioning these kinds of resources first, because you may be able to change your behaviors without extensive digging around in your psyche. (That would always be *my* preference.)

I don't think you should give up your high standards.

I am obviously NOT a psychotherapist, since I'm giving advice and saying "should".

I'm guessing that you're in your 40s, but that's just a guess. Time to plan "Act Two" of your life.

This community can be valuable for talking about what's going on with you. People will give you (mostly) thoughtful answers. It's pretty much anonymous. It can't solve your problems but it can give you ideas.

Best regards. Hope to see more posts from you.