Didn't really have a choice. Well. I did. But it would have been a stupid one.

I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't have emailed him, that it was just for my own peace of mind and not to be courteous to him. Which it was, but I feel like it may have come of way crazy and obsessive. But my friend was like, "So what? If you need it to move on, then do it. You don't owe him anything anyway." And look at me, sitting here, wondering if he'll actually respond. Part of me wishes he would; it'll make me feel less crazy. Most of me hopes he doesn't.

Damn the people in my life who were supposed to give me a working blueprint of what healthy interaction is supposed to look like. I wish I could just switch off the emotional part of myself. Without it, I would function so much better. I could do anything, and not have to desire affection so much that this BS happens. Those periods of time when I am able to, for the most part, suppress the need to be close to someone, to have love, to have friendship, I'm pretty damned unstoppable. But it always rises back to the surface, no matter what.