I think this sums it up.....you are still hoping that he will change back to what he was......but you know something.....people like him don't just change overnight into what he's like now.......there was something about him that you were missing those last few years that you think now were so wonderful.......could be that you were hiding in your schooling & really NOT seeing him for what he really was even then....people JUST DON"T CHANGE SUDDENLY......you are also older now & you are seeing things that you didn't when younger.

My H was the jerk he was from even before we were married. While I was involved in my degree & in my engineering career, I didn't really put the problem out of my mind because I was constantly fighting with him.....but the seriousness of the problem didn't hit me until I no longer was hiding in my education & my career.

I see one serious problem that YOU HAVE YOURSELF.....you don't stand up for yourself & with the direction that you have been handling your marriage....you are going to have serious problems IRL with people walking all over you because you seem to REFUSE to stand up for yourself & for the things that are ok & not ok in the way you are treated....you roll over & play dead hoping it will just go away......you are going to really get HURT even worse than a failed marriage....because no one is going to RESPECT YOU......they will take advantage of you because they know you won't say anything....won't stand up for yourself & set your boundaries & LET THEM KNOW.....you may do it silently & just leave situations that end up making you uncomfortable.....but you are seriously dysfunctional in your ability to set boundaries & communicate that with others......& it's not going to do your career or interfacing with co-workers any favors if you continue to interface with people the same way you interface with your H. In reality......our behaviors are no different at home then they are in our career/work place they just shine out what is inside of us.

Your H doesn't respect you for one thing you really haven't given him anything to respect because you have never stood up for yourself & against the way he's treating you.....maybe he's trying to find out who & what you really are like & is trying to push you until you finally are willing to stand up for yourself.....I've done that to people I have considered to be wimpy......just to see if they have any backbone.......& I don't let people push me.....they know exactly what backbone I have & what boundaries in the way I will allow them to treat me.......

YOU JUST SAY NOTHING & seem to think that's ok.