Thanks, teal-

I found a crisis chat for my county. I haven't clicked the button to start the chat yet. But I probably will try it.

Years ago I called a crisis line and it felt really empty--I know that they are volunteers and some seem scripted. I worry that if I call or do this chat thing that I'll end up feeling worse. PC has been more genuine.

I don't have anyone else who knows how bad this side of me is. I'm afraid of losing friendships if people really knew

Thank you, if no one responded things could be worse