Growly,
First of all, big hugs. Secondly, above all else, STAY HERE. Talk. Lots of great people here who know what you're going through and can help hold you up when you need it. I have a flashlight for you...many others do too, I'm sure. Sleep on it, think about it, talk about it, and then decide if canceling was a good thing, or if you should reschedule. Fight for yourself. If a new T is what's in order, push yourself as much as you can, and find one. That dark place just jumps right in without much notice, so keep going, decide what plan works for you and stay with it. It sounds like you need a T...whether it's one you just canceled with, or a new one. And we're all here to support you through that process. Sending hugs and a flashlight....