All great advice. And I appreciate that each and every one of you gets where I'm coming from in some way.

I just did the crisis chat and boy, that was awful. It seems like the person on the other end either isn't reading the text or is answering several chats at the same time.

I'm hoping one of the T's will react to my cancellation burn-them-all destructo tirade.

Usually, the thought of a new T would make me more optimistic. But I'm very aware that I am bringing the problem to every T I see. I am the source of the rupture.

I believe the phrase is "repetition compulsion" and I excel at it. I feel really low about seeing a new T like I just can't see the point.

But I'll sleep on all of it. Thank you PC people.