I reach for this website like a lifeline. I haven't necessarily found any reprieve in doing so, but it saves me from being overwhelmed by thoughts of suicide. Which crash into each other like molecules in a boiling pot. I reach for this website in hopes I will find something to resemble hope, something to resemble comfort. However, I realize now that I will always be a day late and a dollar short. I will be caught in this unforgiving loop indefinitely. I am in a black pit. No form of communication is helpful. I cannot seem to describe so people understand. Nor do I have the energy. This post is about all I can get out. I have so much more to say. I have so much more to write. But it will not escape past the labyrinth of neurons that have nothing better to do. Well I can't even think of anything else to say. Maybe, this, life, whatever it is, is just too much for me. I don't want to have to go through this again and yet I know I will. Sigh*