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Damn the people in my life who were supposed to give me a working blueprint of what healthy interaction is supposed to look like. I wish I could just switch off the emotional part of myself. Without it, I would function so much better. I could do anything, and not have to desire affection so much that this BS happens. Those periods of time when I am able to, for the most part, suppress the need to be close to someone, to have love, to have friendship, I'm pretty damned unstoppable. But it always rises back to the surface, no matter what.
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Most of us have to figure it out on our own. Most people don't have people who are good at giving a blueprint or good guidance in areas like this......& we have to figure it out on our own because our own feelings & how they work are usually nothing like what others around us are like.
LOL....it hit me the summer after High School back in 1970. I had met this really nice guy on the train when I was traveling to visit my grandparents in Kansas a few years before & we had kept in touch with each other then he came out to Calif & we met while I was a senior in High School. Really liked him a lot & we "decided that we would get together after we graduated from High School".....well, that summer, I got a dear John letter from him (yes, his name was John also)...saying that he had gotten married to a girl he had met.......right then & there I decided that the only thing I EVER needed to take care of was myself....I was never going to get caught not having my degree or a career & I was never going to be trapped being someone's housewife!!!!!!!.....from then on, I was in control of my OWN emotions & what I was going to allow myself to do.....
It was a fight at times & I didn't end up doing it as well as I had hoped because I still ended up getting married to the wrong person & being miserable for 33 years before I was finally able to leave (blew it off while I had my career & just tolerated the crap)....but after my career collapsed with the economy....I couldn't tolerate it any longer & the real incompetent H came out.
You are the only one who can control your emotions & sometimes you just have to keep telling yourself this is a fantasy.....got news for you....when it's NOT.....there will be nothing you can do when both people are attracted to each other.....it will be obvious....if you aren't or they aren't there is nothing you can do to force it to happen......so just sit back & enjoy the life as it comes & STOP TRYING TO FORCE things to happen that aren't there.