I knew my friend crystal had been sick for a while and everywhere I look on facebook today is news of her dying in the hospital yesterday morning.

my boyfriend when I told him about what had gone on asked me if I was going to go to the service if there was going to be one for her.

and I am not entirely sure how I feel about it, there are people that will be there that have hurt me very deeply that I used to call friends.

That for my sake I have choosen not associate myself with any more. Because of how they treat people and use them or at least they did this to me or I felt judged for being the way I was around them.
and that to me is not a good friend to be around or even a friend for that matter.

the fact that if there was a service their would not just be one person like that there but several and one of which was boarderline physically abusive to me...and had huge terrible flare ups of anger at me and would feel no shame in venting his frustration at me from afar if we felt it justified.

I feel like I am being selifish for not showing up to the service or trying to be there for this sweet girl who was taken far to early in her life. But I flat out refuse to be near these people that have treated me like they have.....I think I am fearful if I was to go to this event they would all try to talk to me and convince me that what has happened in the past is over and we should try to rekindle a friendship.

And frankly the things I was accused of by these people, I can not just easily forgive like that. I mean one of the girls flat out told me she suspected me of trying to contact her young daughter's father who is a paedophile and had gone to jail for doing so to young girls.

and he was trying to track down where her and her daughter where living and cause someone other then me told her where he was. And we had had a big fight a few days before she assumed I had motive, and it was soo dumb I had baby sat for her kids before an I was being told I was being pety and dumb and un caring to the kids safety over what happened with us which I did not do at all!

and I am sure she still believes that.