It does sound like you had a bad session, and maybe that T was off her game a little.
It's a little hard to tell from this post how much you actually said, and how much you thought but didn't say. Did you tell her you had a few issues to talk about and didn't know which one? Does she know it annoys you that she doesn't follow up on e-mails, and seems to expect you to bring them up if you want to talk about them? (I feel like you might have mentioned this before, but I don't remember.) Are you sure she "just" wants to know how you feel now?
I have sessions like this periodically, and it is frustrating. Sometimes it's because T is feeling off, sometimes I'm feeling off. But a lot of times it's because I am thinking a lot of things that I don't say, that I really can't expect him to figure out. I'm wondering how much of that is going on here.
It's certainly happening in this part -- and this is something I am also guilty of:
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Originally Posted by rainbow8
One issue is my hatred of how I look, and how I have trouble losing weight. I told her it's hard to talk about that with her because she doesn't have a problem. So I said I didn't want to talk about it, so she said "okay, so let's talk about something else." That comment annoyed me because I DID want to talk about it.
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Gently: if you tell her you don't want to talk about it, you can't always expect her to pick up on the fact that you mean the opposite, and then press you to talk about it. I have done the same thing in the past, and it has given me similarly frustrating results, and I have realized that when I say, "I don't want to talk about it," sometimes I actually mean, "I want to talk about it, but I don't want to deal with the difficulties surrounding talking about it." Which seems to be what you mean. I think it would help if you really worked through the reasons you avoid talking about it -- it will help you both find a good way for you to discuss this issue, which is obviously an important one to you.
I have trouble talking to T about my body, too, but for different reasons. So a lot of times we end up talking about why it's hard for me, before I can get to actually talking about body stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
She wants me to hold my husband's hand more since I said that felt good too.
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I can't really comment on the "child parts", only because it's something I don't relate to and a concept I'm not sure I totally understand, so I won't muddy those waters by bumbling around. But I wonder, why is it a bad thing for you to hold your husband's hand more? I know this is an ongoing issue for you. Try not to regress back to resenting the fact that your marriage is the most likely source for comfort and good feelings in your "real life".
I'm sorry you're frustrated. Bad sessions are extremely frustrating. And feeling fat is frustrating. I hope that writing to her was helpful -- it stinks that you have to wait a couple weeks before you can talk face-to-face again.