Thank you so much for your kind words, everyone!

I think you're right about the crying, I probably shouldn't worry about it. I'll cry when the time is right.. The odd thing is, though, that I can be a real cry baby when it comes to stories I hear about other people. When I hear about something bad happening to my friends, I'm in tears. Films and TV shows move me deeply. But when it comes to me and what I've been through, I close off. I'd feel pathetic crying. I have a feeling it's because I was never hugged or comforted when I cried as a child. I learned to treat myself coldly as well, probably even thinking there's something wrong with crying. Guess it's self-preservation..

I know I should probably see things from my mum's perspective.. I mean, obviously, she had her reasons for doing what she did. It just seems so mental to me to marry a man who didn't want to get married, and then have kids with this man who called her crazy for wanting children! They have a really strange bond, that's all I can say..

I would like to turn to my own life, but it seems like such a mess.. I'm so insecure I've spent the last year almost completely cut off from people. I can't work because of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and I can hardly go to the shop due to fear, shame, blushing, social phobia.. Can't afford to get help either. I really don't know how to get my life back on track! And yet, I have to do something..