Update: I went to a non psych Dr.'s appointment today and I pretty much added at the end that I was in crisis and could I talk to someone. They brought in a regular MD to talk to me, you know, the "are you safe" conversation. It was better than the crisis chat I guess.

They reinstated my appt with my CBT guy. Then they paged my CBT guy and he is supposed to call this afternoon. I'm afraid of his response. Is he going to say something that will hurt so much that I'll do something self destructive? Will he be kind enough that I can get back to a place of calm? Will he say he doesn't feel he can work with me?

I'm worried but better for the moment. Things are still bad with psychodynamic t too. Lots of crazy emails he won't respond to.