Yes, I hear that from her, a lot of young women go down that path, wanting to "fix it" somehow. I went down that path as I mentioned it can be a very hard and painful path, and one never truely "fixes it completely" maybe never fixes it, and will never fix it because the one who has to really fix it is the person who is presenting the problem to begin with, that is the one who has to get the help. She can't "change" him, he has to change himself and grow up.

I know first hand what it is like to be blamed too, it was always 'MY FAULT" too, which ofcourse was not the truth. I can say from experiencing this first hand this "it is your fault" comment is definitely a huge RED FLAG. And I think every single poster has expressed that to her too.

On a site that has so many "victims" like this, many of us, and I am included here, have been "blamed"and they call it "BLAME THE VICTIM". That is was users and abusers, and individuals that disrepect the boundaries of others always do, they blame their victims.

We have pointed out significant red flags to her. You know that saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink".

I have watched someone I love dearly "try to fix him" too. I tried to tell her, so did others, still, she had to keep trying to fix him. Ten years and it finally had to hit her right between the eyes before she got it. Then after a while a part he came begging and she took him back and sure enough "bam again". Then time went by and he tried again, again she tried BAM EVEN HARDER.

I will say to Seeyalater, you are still young, have not dated other individuals, you only really know this one guy. Please, don't waste all your time with this "one guy" and then have to finally experience other individuals much later on, when this one guy finally puts you down so badly you break. I only see this husband of yours "only seeing himself and his needs" and not yours, helping with your school is not enough. All I am seeing is he is mostly "all about himself" THAT IS NOT LOVE, that is SELFISHNESS. That is not something you can really FIX either. You are only important when it is about HIM AND HIS NEEDS, that is not a loving marriage and has no foundation to build a loving marriage on either. You are mortgaging your heart and your life on a foundation that is never going to be strong enough to actually build anything on.

That is my opinion, and I think the opinion on pretty much everyone else that has mortgaged their lives and came up bankrupt or very hurt in someway. We do only live once, we deserve to have some happiness.

OE