There's someone in my life that I met a while ago and ever since our first date, I have been very attracted to him both physically and over time, emotionally. Over the course of the next few months, we began sleeping together but never became official in any way, which I thought was okay with me at this point in my life; however, I did eventually reach that uncomfortable balance of me, I believe, being more genuinely interested than he was. We would always have a great time together when we did get together..and not only in bed, I often spent the night and we would spend a lot of the next day together talking and joking and getting to know eachother. However, after the first few dates, we did not talk much inbetween those times where we would see eachother and after a while the pattern was this: we'd see eachother, have a great night flirting, have a good time talking where I even felt he was just being a genuine, relaxed person who is easy to relate to...and then no word at all until the next month or so when we would hook up again.

I grew to know him just well enough to very deeply care about him and wish that at least I could learn more about what I am to him, or if I even matter much at all. The problem is, I am still so infatuated with him (AND, in my opinion, have more serious and honest feelings) that I frankly just end up letting this pattern repeat every time I see him. I am likely going to see him again rather soon and would like to try and break this pattern...but I don't know how, exactly. And furthermore, I'm afraid. Of it just all ending or, if I don't say whatever I need to or it plays out not as planned, that he will just suddenly think I'm only uninterested or spiteful. I seem to have a problem where even if I am trying to distance myself or get over someone I care about, I still don't want to leave it off with them thinking less of me...call it one of the downfalls of love, I suppose, but what I hope to accomplish somehow is finally making him respect me and maybe regret losing me, if that's what it comes to.

I recognize that that's pretty childish and selfish...but I'm just at a roadblock I guess regarding how I should feel or what to do.