It's definitely working for him because he's not looking for a divorce......& the only part that's not working for the OP is that she's complaining about it here but not saying a word to him about what he's doing to her.....so it must be working for her as normally people would be FIGHTING MAD about being treated like that.

I know that I stuck around a very bad marriage for 33 years before I finally left......the first 20 years I hid out getting my degree & in my career......then the last 13 years I ended up financially trapped in it without any way out because I didn't get out when I could have & I had issues with H before I ever got married but didn't have the confidence in myself to stand up for what I believed was the problem.......

Confidence in making it alone can be a huge barrier to making the final break also.....LOL....when I did it, I did it good....moved 2100 miles away from anyone I ever knew to a place where I didn't know anyone.....best thing I ever did once I finally had enough & had a way to escape....but sometimes it does take a long time to get to that point......while during that time they never to get fixed....it just gets worse.