Did you find any relief?
Like I said, I can relate to what you were talking about way too much, and take it from me, you don't want to end up where I spent my little, ah, "vacation."
To answer your questions, yes, if you have the PD it can't be cured. But if you're self-diagnosed, don't limit your life assuming that you have it! This quote about sums it up:
Quote:
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Warning: Self-diagnosis of this disorder is usually inaccurate. Accurate diagnosis of this disorder requires assessment by a qualified practitioner trained in psychiatric diagnosis and evidence-based treatment. However, if no such professional is available, our free computerized diagnosis is usually accurate when completed by an informant who knows the patient well. Computerized diagnosis is less accurate when done by patients (because they often lack insight).
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I can supply anyone who wants it the link, but I'm not sure I can post it.
How to measure how much you can cope with it - are you still alive? Then you are coping with it.
I have seen success stories. Those are people who understand their limitations and live within then. If you're a paraplegic you're not going to climb Mt. Everest. If you're an avoidant, you'll never be comfortable inviting 500 people to your wedding.
For me, being up front with someone makes it easier. To a degree, I am comfortable in my avie skin. That doesn't mean I'm happy.
That means, this is who I am and I'm too old to fake anything different anymore. I know that the majority - if not all - people will leave me eventually. I have a black mark on my soul that makes me incapable of being loved, as I was told once in a super harsh but truthful reality check.
It's horrible sitting around waiting for whoever to figure that out on their own. Most people are so self-centered all they are interested in is what they can get from you or what they see of themselves reflected in you for quite some time. It takes a while for people to get past that veil. With me, when that happens they are out of there, because the shock of who they think I am vs who I really am is too great. If I tell them up front, this is what you're dealing with, then it takes a huge piece of anxiety - when will they figure out the truth about me? - out of the picture. It does not make it worse for me to do that.
I know you're young, and you're still comparing yourself to your peers all the time, so the idea of being almost proud-ish of being so different from social standards is probably the craziest thing you'll ever have heard of. But there are some serious positives about being avoidant. Most of us are really straight forward and honest. We don't try to manipulate people or get over on them. If an avoidant person sticks by you, that is a serious compliment to your character. Of course, that's what makes us so annoying
that habit of telling hard truths.
For the record, it's not an illness
it's a personality disorder. Your personality is set in stone by the time you're in your mid-30's, more or less. There really isn't much I can do to change it at all. Just learn to deal with it better, hopefully.
How is it a good thing to be honest with someone? How can it not be!
Think of it this way. I'll latch on to your illness supposition, even though it's not quite accurate. If someone has incurable cancer - is that paranoid to tell someone about it? It might be a personal decision; if it's someone you won't see again it might not be relevant.
It's only paranoid to discuss if it's a hunch. This is a given in my life. I'm not paranoid that I may or may not be avoidant, and I'm not paranoid that it may or may not affect my relationships with other people. I have it, and it will, absolutely.
So being up front with someone is doing both of us a kindness. Rather than have them waste their energy on a relationship that most likely will peter out, they can choose from the stop not to go that route; and I can avoid being stressed about the inevitable reveal, since I'm not a big fan of that kind of drama.