What I was an am still hoping for is for him to acknowledge his side of the equation. I believe he made missteps but I don't know if he even recognizes it. Maybe he isn't as smart as I give him credit for?

I wish he would admit changing his behavior towards me over time. He was hopeful and engaged in the beginning but now he seems bored. He says he doesn't judge me but I think that is total BS. He has said many things to the effect that my change is slow.

I do have a pattern though of getting almost delusional about T wanting to hurt me, and I go from attached to full out suspicious in a flash. I have to be careful
not to throw the baby out with the bathwater because that's my MO .