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Yismymindblank12 · 10:51 AM

I'm sick of it. I am seeing a sex therapist for this, because I cannot cope dating not even for one minute. I can't cope intimacy, because I can't handle losing it. I can't handle being lied to. I can't handle being mistreated again by another female. I can't do it.

I didn't seek her out, it just happened. I hate hate hate hate hate. Myself for letting my guard down once. I'm so frustrated for being naive again of my own feelings. I'm ashamed of feeling good that someone made me laugh and smile today. I didn't have sexual feelings for her, but emotionally connected. Then of course it's always too good to be true, because I'm a joke.

I'm not rich enough, I'm not the right look, gender, race, body height, muscle type, I'm not skinny enough. I'm not fat enough, I'm perfect enough. I'm not happy enough, I'm not good enough, I don't deserve you, because who would want this garbage. ****ing don't understand why women don't see this **** is so ****ing abusive.

Possible trigger:

I was beaten by you for telling me I'm not good enough, so many god damn years. I was raped and you called me weak, I was harmed and no one came to help me, because I was born a boy.

I wasn't deserved to get anything good, because I'm not like you. The fact I'm not like you no matter how successful I'll be. I'll never be good as you.

You don't call this sexist this is me being "oppressive" because I don't understand women you say so. I don't know what the answer. I don't care, I just know I'm being truamatized by this ****ing ****. My heart can't take it,

Possible trigger:

I Can't ever bear to see myself have a child to be taken away murdered by their mother and telling me it's my fault. I did nothing, you aborted her

you told me I couldn't see you and you blamed me for it because I'm the man.

Possible trigger:

**** you! go to ****ing hell. I was raped and beaten repeatedly no one came to my aid, because I'm a boy. No one believed me, and you know how many I days I wanna die now, and how many days I just want to go away from this hell, because I'm not good enough. I shouldn't eat I shouldn't breathe I shouldn't talk. I don't deserve it, I'm a boy not a perfect man nor a woman. I'm a joke **** me senseless till I'm dead and wasted.

That's what you treat me like.

The fact you don't love me, makes nothing worth it. I lost a 100 lbs for you and you only laugh at me. Like I'm a joke, I'm the crazy one. and I deserve to die a crazy person's death, because I'm not ignorant like you. Because of this I don't deserve anything.