I totally understand where you're coming from. I told my T last week that I was afraid of becoming too depending on therapy. It's really more that I'm afraid of becoming too dependent on her but I couldn't get those words out. With me, it's either all or nothing with attachment. Either I'm overly attached or I'm not at all attached and that's where my problem is.

It makes sense that we attach to our T's because they are sometimes the only people in our lives that really listen to us and make us feel like someone understands. They validate the way we feel and support us no matter what. It's nothing to be ashamed about.

When I told my T I was worried about becoming dependent, she asked me if I wanted to cut back on my sessions and do every other week. I declined because I don't think I'm ready for that yet but she said it was up to me to decide if/when I want to do that. If we had been at a point where she wanted to increase our sessions, I would definitely want to but, like you, I would be hesitant because I'm also afraid of becoming too attached.

I know my fear is when my therapy finally comes to an end. I hate goodbyes, especially with someone who is such an important part of my life. I'm not worried that my T will hurt me but I am anticipating being hurt when our relationship comes to an end. I hope that I can work through this attachment stuff so that when therapy does end, it doesn't hurt as bad and I can move on, but I'm definitely not there yet.

I think the awareness that you have over the possibility of becoming too attached or dependent is the most important thing though. My T always tells me that the first step to changing and growing is to have an awareness of where I am now and sometimes that awareness is all we need. I would highly suggest you continue discussing this with your T next session. It can be awkward to talk about because you're essentially telling him that you need him, but I'm sure he has dealt with it before.

You have nothing to be ashamed about though