I'm hurting so bad. That I feel and like my friend said, it's like every girl who I'm sorta close friends with here tell me from personal experience guy and so on about this area.

People here choose to be dumb about various subjects that should be more well known of for human decency reasons.

I think it's a trend here like my friends say, girls here will play games in the sense of not what you think as just young women being silly messing with other people's heads. It's just causing drama just to cause it. Simply they have no other input to give other than to create **** and cause harm onto others mostly emotionally, but also physically and socially.

Seriously a girl may start crap here it won't surprise you if she feels challenged she will harm your ego male and female either through brute force of beating you up and humiliation or tries to show how much better she is than you in various ways that are more spiteful and passive aggressive than mature how she may rationalize it.

I hate feeling. I don't belong. It's skewed, but I don't understand why the women in this area are all either lesbian, prudish as in very harsh and judgemental of everyone's sexual choices and being very nosy about it and very rude and harsh, and that both men and women here have an overly inflated ego. Being focused on putting everyone down that isn't like them. That any emotions you show, you are a ***** a ***** and you don't deserve anything. Here you cry as a man, you get beat up, you get emotionally played you couldn't handle me because you aren't man enough to handle yourself. Or if you aren't physically capable of whatever despite if you are on many things most normal people can't do. They will tear you down, you can't show any emotion.

I hate having to guard and shut everyone out even my parents who put this ideas in my head I should be afraid to feel. To be myself and be talkative to myself be sensitive be more in touch with my femininity, but I'm not too in touch. I'm more the opposite now.

I changed, this place I lived in this hell of people who abused me and called me weak for suffering. I was a victim and was blamed a fruad a failure and a loser to society and I shouldn't live happy because I didn't choose to, because I was raped at 4 and I was beaten by other people and I let them do it to me.

Don't you grown mother****ers know I was a child. If it was your child you'd be in my parents shoes too. If it was your child you'd do everything for them. If it was your child you show them they can do it. If it was your child they know they need to learn not everyone is evil and has poor intent.

But not me, I wasn't given that luxury. I was exposed to the worst of the worst in my area. I'm not no poor pitiful me, because **** that everyone wants to put me there to cage me. I'm angry I can't get out, not based on my own decisions, it's after I do it's shot to the ground by manipulation fear and intimidation that I can't do anything right. And that no matter how much success and happiness you may have, no one deserves it except themself. It's so true, because I expect people to lie to me all the time people to tell me I'm nothing, and lead me to the wrong direction.

If I could, I'd be used as a sexual object to get paid for it in adult film. Just to make more out of something, That I endure more mental trauma and more sexual trauma and use it to fight my past abuse that I'm not afraid of sex anymore. I'm not afraid of feelings, that I'm lusted by people, and I don't care that they do or don't. The fact I'd have an audience and have choice to make something good out of a bad situation can I please do that. Don't let these ignorant people kill me here, don't let some pissed off hick pull a gun out on me or a knife because he didn't like the way I talked to him or the way I walked.

Don't let that hood kill me, for blood here for initiation into any local gang. and god don't let some foolish people almost kill me like last time, for letting my naive brain take methampetamines when I am not a meth person. I don't do those drugs, it was in a molly and it wasn't my choice what's in there. I'd never do that again and haven't since that on time I almost died then.The time's I shown how much gratitude I have for someone and they never did for me after those near death.

Made me realize I'm dead I'm going to die alone. I can't love one person. I can't I wasn't shown what unconditional love is. Despite people making mistakes they never learned nor cared to they just kept doing it till they used me dry.

Everyone did. What else should I expect from people?