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Apr 16, 2015, 11:33 PM
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Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 472
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
This was truly a fine response. Thanks! 
Not in my mind.
Yes.
Not at all. Any length that is helpful is fine with me.
I like your idea very much and I would love to read what you put together. When would you be able to do it?
I like these ideas very much!
In general, this sounds good. I suggest that trying to keep it closer to 5 could be more precise though. What if you alternate: 10 minutes for even numbered hours, 5 minutes for odd numbered hours?
I am a little concerned about going cold turkey on those three to four hours, it is a substantial change. How about dropping two hours for now and then if all goes well considering dropping an additional two hours in the near future?
I want to make sure that I understand you here. I think you are saying that you still have a lot of ED behaviors, and these behaviors are leading to the lab results you described. This is why you have an urgent need to change ED behaviors. But on the other hand it will be hard to change ED behaviors quickly when you are so overwhelmed and not at an inpatient ED unit.
How accurate was that? If it is basically accurate, then what one or two ED behaviors are the most important to address first in order to get consistently acceptable lab results?
Thank you very much for your kind words. Hang in there!
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So I already started a pro/con list both for getting treatment and a pro/con list for not getting treatment. I have a lot of them completed. I'll have them all the way completed by tomorrow, probably in the morning, definitely by the evening. Thanks for the accountability .
Regarding the pacing, you're definitely right, dropping that much in one day was too much. I completely screwed that one up. I managed to drop it by one hour, only 16 hrs today, but that's it. And every hour was definitely much closer to 10 min, so strike two on that one. I do need to make it a little more manageable, but at the same time, I also need to just suck it up and do what I need to do a little bit too. Tomorrow, I'm going to commit to only pacing for 8 min., out of 14 hrs in the day. It's not as much of a drop as I need to make, up at least it's a start. I'd like it to be less than 45 min total by the time I'm discharged, but that's a huge drop, so we'll see.
Your understanding as to what's leading to the abnormal lab values is accurate. I'm purging. A lot. Almost everything. And I'm not eating nearly as much as I need to be, even with tube feeding. And I'm manipulating the tube feeds so I end up getting less than I'm supposed to and I'm not taking the supplements I need. All of this lead to...horrible, critical labs. On a regular basis. You're right, it's going to be very, very difficult to break this cycle while I'm overwhelmed and not getting any eating disorder specific treatment, only medical management. And it's only going to get harder once I go home, which makes me really, really nervous. I don't know how much "worse" my body can handle. It scares me to be honest, which I guess is an improvement, because it didn't for a long time.
The change I really NEED to make is stopping the purging, but I just don't think I can do that on my own. That, along with increasing my oral intake and decreasing the exercise are going to be the hardest habits to break. I'm already super anxious tonight because I paced like maybe 10 minutes less today than yesterday. I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin. And just writing about eating more and/or stopping purging is currently making my heart rate monitor alarm because my heart rate is going through the roof. But the purging is doing the most immediate, life-threatening damage. Okay, this sucks, but I'm going to commit to a) not messing with the feeding tube pump tonight and b) keeping one snack down tomorrow afternoon. And I'm really going to try to stick to this. If I'm successful tomorrow, I'll try to improve upon that the day after. I only have a few more days in an environment where I at least have some support. That is until I enter an IP ED program. And I'd like to stay alive long enough to do so.
That being said, I'd kind of like your opinion on that. I'm really, really ambivalent right now regarding IP treatment. Honestly, I don't want to go, and I'm coming up with any and every excuse in the book to avoid going. I know I need to go...but I don't know if just plain don't want to or are scared of the work involved or what. I do know I don't want to miss anymore family/friend events or work. I also know I'm scared of some issues from my past that probably need to be dealt with if I'm ever going to get over this. Additionally, I'm afraid I'm going to completely lose it if I do face these issues. What I don't know is how to confront these issues or how to convince myself to go regardless of how I feel about it or how to motivate myself to do the work required in order to reach recovery when a lot of times I really don't think I care one way or another if I live or die. Any bright ideas? I'd really love your input here.
Thanks for your reply. Looking forward to your response.
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