My t says that's the first step in healing is to be aware what type of people you are attract and why and be able to recognize it early on and be able to avoid perpetual yet so familiar pain. She doesn't suggest to repeatedly get into wrong relationships as it is not beneficial at all. She also says it is wise to take a long time between relationships to explore yourself rather than continuously repeat the unhealthy pattern. I trust my t and her expertise.

And we attract wrong people not so we can grow but because it is familiar (usually because that is how we were raised). Also we often attract people who are just like us. It is subconscious. I attract unavailable commitment phobics not only because they are just like my family of origin but also because I am afraid of commitment myself.

My t says there is no benefit in continuous emotional pain as it could be addictive

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