I sat down and worked out my financials last night. It's pretty grim at about 2 years of my current salary. I shouldn't have done it but I needed to know. I'm going to end up in court for sure. If can't pay it on a plan, they will take what little I have left.

I have no family to fall back on. They just think that my bipolar is an excuse for my poor life decisions and bad behaviour.

I was doing so well. I did well academically, I got a great job and got promoted fast within a three month period. I was earning 6 times my current salary in a very specialist field. I didn't want for anything, I was happy. Life was great, family, friends, financially secure and feeling well. And then I had a hypo/ manic episode that damn near broke me. Everything gone. Then the 6 month depression that followed. I lost it all.

Now I find myself here years later. Nothing. Lost it all and scrambling to put it all back together is making me even more ill. Meds that make me feel stupid, days and weeks dictated by how my mood is. The never-ending appointments, blood tests and all the other crap that comes with it.

**** you, bipolar. I hate what you've done to me.