Yeppers. 8 days staring at walls.

But I think I have a new diagnostic tool. I should let the DSM people know. (Said jokingly.)

I got in and my blood pressure was 180/120. They thought I was going to have a stroke and were freaked out that I had such high untreated blood pressure. I told them, it was the stress of being around so many people. After a week, they sent me out to see my GP. There, where you would expect a "white coat" bump in BP, my pressure reading was 144/94. Not great, but a huge improvement. I went back to the hospital, where as soon as I walked through the door they took my vitals again, and the pressure reading was 185/117.

They decided that since I was not in eminent danger anymore, and though I had not met their regular discharge requirements (most people on my floor had been there for months, and I was the only one who was not also an addict) they sent me home because the stress of being there around all those people was more likely to kill me than whatever I might do to myself upon returning home. Nice, huh?

It's good that you're in a better state of mind about the break from your friend. Crushing on your psych - that's harsh. On the one hand, it will keep you going to see him. On the other, it could destroy what self esteem you have left, because no matter how much you understand that it could never happen, eventually the avoidant self-loathing will kick in and you'll find blame in yourself for it not going anywhere.

I read a book that might help called Loves Me...Not: How to Survive (and Thrive!) in the Face of Unrequited Love. I thought it was kind of brilliant for any avoidant to read, because although it deals with romantic/sexual love, it can also apply to friendships, and it addresses (without pity!) loves/crushes/interests people have where they don't pursue it and beat themselves up for letting someone slip away.