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pinkflower17 · Apr 17, 2015, 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sadley

Hi, I am in need of some advice mostly pertaining to my situation with my girlfriend.

Background information:I'm a 25 y/o male. I have been struggling with severe depression all of my life. I've been to many therapists, counselors, meetings, groups, clinics and hospitals. I've taken many different meds for it. I have other issues as well, like OCD, I'm extremely shy, I'm picky, I have tons of allergies to just about everything...I could go on. Overall, my therapists and pdocs tell me I have "treatment resistant" depression, and that I should look into getting shock therapy or ECT. I would like to avoid that route, as I have read about people requiring 30 sessions just to tell any difference, plus, I'm not rich and my deductible this year is $5,000, which I don't have since I can't even pay my own bills. Anyways, last year, I found my girlfriend, and I love her, even though we both have depression and ups and downs all the time. She's overweight, and has polycystic ovarian syndrome.

Problem: I am not really feeling that intimate with my girlfriend anymore. Granted, I work really crappy hours 6am-2pm, so I have to go to sleep earlier than most people (8 or 9pm), however, my girlfriend recently lost her job and she still will never lay down with me when I go to sleep (let alone sex). I just need advice on what I should do. I have tried to tell her, but she just keeps saying nobody her age goes to sleep that early, which I fully understand, but she doesn't even have a job right now and she can't just lay down with me once in a while? I don't understand. Help please!

This may be completely off base, but does your girlfriend have any depression issues? PCOS is associated with depression a lot of the time. Especially with losing her job, she may be feeling depressed and thus worthless etc and the issue may not have anything to do with it being 8, but rather a lack of sex drive and feelings of depression in general.
I would definitely not bring up the fact that she doesn't have a job right now, if you discuss the situation. I'm sure she's well aware of that. I agree with the above poster regarding helping with cleaning, laundry, dinner whatever. Have you ever read the 5 languages of love? The basic premise is everyone expresses love differently and everyone perceives love differently. It sounds like you need physical connection to feel loved. What does she need? For example, for me, when I was engaged, I was very busy work wise and I perceived love primarily when my fiancé would try to help my burden - pick up the dry cleaning, get the mail, do an extra load of laundry, have dinner waiting etc. Some people need words of affirmation, some need quality time (maybe another need of yours?), some need acts of service ( this is what I mentioned), some need to receive gifts (and it doesn't need to be anything huge - a card, a single flower, writing a notecard with a quote that reminds you of your relationship), and some need physical contact. It just sounds like maybe you guys need different things. Can you maybe have a conversation regarding what makes you feel love and cared about and make a sincere effort to meet those needs?
Also, if she is depressed seeing a doctor and/or therapist may be beneficial as well.
I may be totally off base here, so feel free to ignore me if I am, but reading this book really changed my last relationship for the better. I actually highly recommend it. It's a really short, quick read and you can get it for like 5$ on amazon.
I hope some of this helped some. Good luck.