That is strange that your T. said you could quit. mine did tell me at one time that I could stop. i asked "why would you say that???" She said because she has to remind herself that at anytime I could leave.

YES, you HAVE to tell him all of those feelings. And, it is so freaking difficult. Adult me will say how ridiculous it all is - that I need her, want her, etc. Child me is begging her to tell me she cares, won't leave me, I'll be ok, etc. This creates a push/pull effect. My T. has also told me that in one session she can see me go in and out of the transference. Sometimes I can tell.

Another T. once told me that the transference means that therapy is working - there is SOME trust for all those feelings to surface. If you would have asked me 2 years ago how my childhood was, I would have said fine. Really, it was ok - my parents did love me, provided for me, no physical abuse. BUT, my mom had alcohol and prescription drug abuse that I now think was from her being bipolar and not seeking help. So, when she died and I started therapy, all these crazy feelings came to the surface. I couldn't understand what was happening or why I felt that way. My T. asked me over a course of several sessions what my needs were. I wanted to throw up - me, no needs here! When I could muster the courage to tell her, I told her I felt like I was a little kid. She asked how old and we figured out it was around age 7 when I first started attaching to teachers. So, I told her: I want you to say you care about me, won't leave me, will always be there for me, that I'll be ok. Then, she wanted me to assign each a percentage. And, of course, then there was the talk about how that's really not her position. Months later she said most of them in a difficult session but not again since.

No, it's not bad you've grown to love him. I remmeber last summer thinking that I FELT I loved my T. but my mind did not. Like I would rationalize my way out of it. A few months ago I walked out of her office feeling for the first time like my mind and heart were in sync. So, I told her the next time that I love her. She asked why it was so hard to say and we figured out that when I would tell family members I lvoed them, it was a thing I did with very little emotions attached to the words. This time, the feelings were attached to the words which felt very different for me.

Now, I'm in the stage of embarrased I told her that. So, my transference goes in waves as T. said it would. I just keep showing up and talking and trying to link it to my past. I went through a huge grieving period not for my mom but for what she never gave me. I guess next is for her but the anger isn't letting me go there.

And, it's great that your H encourages you to go! Mine does too. My T. asked that my H come once a month for jt sessions which have been good. s he's been able to describe transference and make him feel better about things. And, he's given her great insight on how he saw my mom treat me - things I must have suppressed.