Welcome Varahh to Psych Central (PC). I am so sorry to hear you have suffered so much abuse. No person should have to live through that and the uncertainty. Have you ever thought of working with a therapist for your life and a counselor for your relationship.

You sound like you really need clearly respected boundaries for what is allowed in your relationship. The behavior of your bf is unacceptable and may only make trusting more difficult.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

This article talks about self care. Seeing what you have been through some self nurturing may be just what you need along with some hugs.
What is Loving Self-Care | In Your Own Hands