I am so sorry. It's difficult to not beat yourself up for everything when you have low self-esteem.
I hope that you consider that (even thought it's different than a real-life situation) you let your wall down here and have not gotten hurt. At least I hope that you read the good intent in the comments here.

I can assure you that everybody here has allowed themselves to be vulnerable at one point or another. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it results in wonderful relationships.
None of us really knows what we're doing It's trial and error for the most part. Occasionally the planets align and angels sing, and then it's worth it.