I keep getting this realisation. I've spent my entire life, either looking for someone to mother/rescue me. Now I'm finding that people I use to look at as mother figures, were only what I had made them to be. I feel like I'm coming from a different angle now when I talk to people that I use to talk to before.

Before when I talked with them, I'd have this constant fantasy going on, that they are really taking care of me and feeling sorry for me.

Now when I talk with them, I am listening to what they are saying and responding, and not constantly trying to work the conversation round to me. It feels really strange that part of me has disappeared? grown-up?

Its actually a really freeing feeling! To be constantly on the look out for a rescuer was exhausting! and terrifying!

I guess it must mean that I'm getting enought of what I needed from T now. I don't walk along the street looking at women wondering if they can be my mum. Its like everything is being "right sized" finally!

Maybe I was so emotionally young the world looked so big, now I feel like I'm at eye level with it.