Quote:
Originally Posted by kaliope
and thursday at work i had a complete breakdown because as i turned around to walk out of an office i ran smack into someone. it scared me to death. completely triggered me. i crumpled. i could not function. it was like my head cracked open and my world shattered. it is the most crazy i have felt ever. and part of my just keeps saying this is so silly. all i did was run into somebody. i hope your t is able to help you work thru this. take care  |
I can relate to getting triggered by things. I have a hard time opening up to experience things, life, because when I was feeling healthy and like I could handle things, like emotions, I was getting triggered more often, stronger, and memories were coming up. I would like to get back there sometime so I can heal more and start experiencing life. I'd say you are very strong because in my case, when I am feeling and letting things happen, I have more reactions similar to you. (Unless it was a strong trigger and it isn't normally like that all the time?)That is just part of the process. And I don't think it is silly, there is a reason why your body reacts that way. But I can also relate to feeling silly about a reaction, especially when it is a big emotional reaction I know it being triggered by something.
I had talked with my therapist again, and mentioned that I have started having reactions of a panic attack starting. and that emotions follow. She said it might be that I am in a state of reliving. I smell something, like smoke or other stuff that I know might not be healthy to breathe in, sometimes it comes out of no where it seems, and my throat feels tight. I know I can breathe and my asthma isn't triggered, but it feels like I can't breathe because my throat feels super tight. When I feel that, it triggers emotions, like powerlessness, sadness, maybe some anger, hating myself, pointlessness, and I just feel young and alone. I have always had an idea that it was a flashback or something, but it was validating to hear it from someone else, that they took it seriously.
I remember when I realized this type of reaction was a flashback type thing. I was sick maybe a year and a half ago, and my asthma was acting up, and I also had a cough. When i couldn't breathe, I started feeling hopeless and powerless, that I was sick and and nothing could help me, and all of a sudden this sudden suicidal urge hit me. I was aware of the change, and thought, where the heck did that feeling come from? That is when I realized I must have been having some type of emotional flashback.