Ugh.

To continue in my ongoing review of group therapy, I should say that last night's session sucked. Just in case you guys want to hear me complain.

I sat there in silence again because I couldn't think of anything to say. I feel so out of place sometimes. This time everyone was discussing their marriage. Because there were a couple of people absent, I was the only unmarried person there. But I've been in relationships, so you'd think I could relate. Well, I couldn't. Everyone was talking about what it's like when they're having trouble communicating and walking on eggshells around their partner. I actually can't relate to that all. All my relationships have been very amicable. Sometimes devoid of substance but always amicable! I only get involved with people who are easygoing. So I had nothing to contribute to that conversation at all and wondered why I was wasting my time. Sometimes I think I stay in group just to avoid terminating. I hate breakups. And that's sort of what I do in relationships -- get into them and stay even when they don't work for me to postpone the ending. So I guess that's what I do with group. Although I'm sure T will argue that that's not a good comparison since a group is there to experiment with and I could probably change things. At any rate, I'll probably stick around a while yet, but last night really blew. I actually wanted to say that I felt out of place (and no doubt T will ask me why I didn't), but there never seemed to be an opening in the conversation and as I've said I'm shy. I hate focusing the attention on me, especially when the only thing I want to say is that I'm out of place and don't have anything to say!

I don't understand people who like to be in group discussions. I can't even relate to wanting to participate. I avoided all discussion classes when I was in school. I just need much longer to think about something than I could get during a conversation. I guess that's why the Internet works for me....!

Well I'm hoping today's individual session will go well. Maybe I'll totally avoid the subject of group therapy. That would probably bug T.

Sidony