Quote:
Originally Posted by connect.the.stars
I agree with Open Eyes. He has his issues. He needs to seek help.
These opinions on what the OP should do (leave or stay)-- it's not always clear cut. Sure he is mistreating her, we obviously see that and we've pointed out the areas of more concern (i.e. lying about house ownership, kicking spouse out for an indefinite amount of time). Does he deserve the chances OP is giving to him to keep this marriage and improve on himself? That depends.
If he is willing to go seek professional help, see where he went wrong, learn how to better cope with possible stress from work, understand that he can't always complain and have someone fix things for him (he needs to put in effort too), maybe even apologize for his immaturity...then maybe it will be worth trying to stay and help him.
Nobody likes to be given up on. I know I didn't like it when my friends took off because of my depression.
But if he shows no remorse whatsoever, continues to want things his way or no way, keeps blaming you for his troublesome life, then I'd say it's not worth it. If he can't even see how hard you are trying to make this work, then yea, you're better off without him.
The ideas on this thread - ALL great. Lots of different perspectives. I think it's wonderful how we can all discuss our opinions.
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From the beginning of all this to now there has been a big change. Not 100% yet but he has come around. When this started I knew there was something (mental) but didnt know what or if there really was something. I didnt want to stick around and be an idiot sticking around for something that he really didnt want (me). In the beginning he said he was going through something to bare with him. As he was talking he cried and was in fetal position. When I called his mom, she said he was having depression issues ( the first day this happened). When I came back to the house, he originally said he didnt want me to see him this way (wouldnt say what way). When I came back to the house he would come home and go directly to the fish tank, sit for a good hour and watch the fish. He never did that. If I had the TV on he would ask to shut it off. He wanted it peaceful. No noise at all. (he never did that). I finally called his mom two-three weeks ago and she said again that he was having depression issues but didnt know what else to tell me. She mention that he hates his job, he doesnt get along with a couple people, and they hope he will look for something else.
I stuck it out because I think and I could be wrong that he really is having a mental problem. Im not sure what or to what extent. In the beginning I was ok with him fishing because I felt it helped him mentally. When he came home he seemed happier, clear minded, just different. I can see a difference on his face. I'm not a fool or am I dumb. I am not just sitting home allowing him to treat me bad. I to have two jobs that keep me busy along with school. He has been good. I wont take what he thinks he can dish out. If he is going through something I do not want to walk away. Why? If that was me. I would hope that someone would stick by me and help me. Throughout this crisis he has stated things to make me believe there is something wrong. Other that being an *****. Remember, the last statement about the picture? Now once I see or think I can see more of a positive difference in his mental state the house issue will be brought up. Its been a process to get him where he is today. If it doesn't work. I can say that I stood by him to help and I couldn't do anymore.
Thank you for listening to me and understanding why I am standing next to him to help. I have asked him to go to therapy and he says no. Ill give him a little more time and will ask again.
For the fish tank. He no longer comes home and sits to watch the fish for an hour. He no longer comes home and shuts the TV off. Totally different person. Im not saying hes perfect but I see progress.