Burned123,
Wow. I FEEL your feelings. You said some things that I've felt, but not really been able to come up with words for. My heart goes out to you. I have not terminated, but been hurt enough that I feel pretty f-ed up myself. Puzzle_bug, I know you helped me with some replies, so you probably remember (my T abruptly taking away healing touch in therapy). Somehow, I've managed to continue going to my twice-weekly sessions. But I'm still hurting pretty bad, knowing what she's capable of but took away. Relationships in my life have been affected by my pain from this....took me a little bit to realize it, but I have now. And your use of the word power....that's exactly it. Some of us don't have the internal resources to realize we have power over anything, which brings us to therapy. My T had the power to take something very therapeutic away from me without even considering what I had to say about it. Without even TELLING me. She let me find out for myself, which hurt as bad as the deed itself. They do have power over those of us who are vulnerable. I know I feel powerless. But I'm not one to need to feel powerful. I've never felt powerful or in control. I'm not a power hungry control freak by any means, but I don't know if some Ts really realize just how naked/vulnerable/powerless some of us feel in that room. Like my T has told me before, the things I do/say in there go against the grain. It goes against everything I've ever known. And it's scary to do something against what your mind tells you to do (as a coping mechanism), and we have to have the utmost trust in our Ts to make it work. Trust is an issue for me right now, and these threads on termination scare me...because...well, speaking my mind has never done me any good in life, and every time I say something, I'm afraid the punishment will follow. I'm very broken right now. And I think until I can get that trust and connection back, I will be. I hope I'm strong enough to get them back. I need them.