I'm embarrassed to write about this. Some of my difficulty last session was because of how good my T looked. She was more dressed up and her hair looked especially nice. So I said to her "you look good." Then I mumbled something else but I don't remember what. She said "thank you."

It was awkward because I could feel that part of me who has a crush on her coming out but I was trying to ignore it. T knows about that part but there's nothing more to say. I think I had trouble connecting vwith her because I didn't want to look at her too closely. It's not ET anymore, if it ever was; it's more of a wanting to be with her, maybe the urge to merge, baby stuff. Also adult me wanting to look like her. Idk. How I look, how she looks, how my family looks, is too important to me. I KNOW what's inside is more important! I wish I wouldn't react to T's looks and her clothes. It's part of loving her and transference, I think. Does anyone else react to how their T looks and dresses, other than ET?