Your husband does a combination of blaming and complaining. They're not the same thing. Being mad about you not cooking is complaining. On a deeper level, he is very unhappy and it's his nature to look for someone to blame for that. As a child, he may have been spoiled in some respects and emotionally neglected in others. I never got the impression that he wants out of this marriage. Just the opposite. He wants to be taken care of and hopes you'll do that. He may be depressed, and I think he has an emotional history that his parents could tell you more about, but they aren't going to.

His main problem isn't depression. That's more a symptom. He is very emotionally immature and is dependent on others for positive feedback. But others see him as self-centered and entitled, so they dislike him. He picks up on that and feels rejected and lonely. This is what's happening at work, and it will happen on any job he goes to, eventually.

Where I part company with most PC members is in my belief that therapy doesn't change people very much. I think Americans have an unrealistic faith in the power of professionals to fix things . . . and people. It's based in American optimism that what's crooked can always be made straight. The best therapy is life, especially interacting with those who love us, but have expectations of us that are fair. Therapists can help us rationalize why we are as we are, and that may or may not be helpful. The idea that understanding our issues allows us to change is overrated IMO. Understanding does not provide motivation.

If you stay with him, you will be challenged by his problems all your life, as he will be. But, since you've had happy intervals with him in the past, it's reasonable to expect you will again. Your role will be to provide "tough love," if he is to grow emotionally through his relationship with you. That, I believe, is the only "therapy" that will really matter. Leaving the house when he kicked you out was the opposite of what you he needed you to do. He was testing you, as a child will do. He will provoke you to reject him, secretly hoping you won't. He's afraid you don't really need him, except to share costs of living. You do seem like you could get by okay on your own. That's as it should be, but it makes him insecure. He wants things in his name because he's afraid you will abandon him.

To some extent, you'll have to parent this guy, if you want any kind of a life. That means pressuring him to do things that he doesn't think he can do, like hold down a job. He'll need a great deal if affection, but that doesn't mean you waiting on him hand and foot. Right now, he only feels loved when you cook and fold his socks. He needs to learn that your love is there even when you are not caretaking him. If you're up for all this, you may help him grow. It's a tough job, and you can't contract it out. By all means try and get him seen by a psychiatrist, but his rehab is mostly got to come from his relationship with you. His difficulties can't be medicated away. He needs to do some more growing up. It's like you adopted a teenager. You have to be strong and firm with him. Good luck. Something tells me you do love this guy quite a bit, despite his babyish ways.