You are definitely not alone in this and I don't think it's embarrassing at all.
I notice how my T looks - usually - and, even though I know what's inside is more important than the appearance too, I inevitably wish I looked more like her, or look better than I do. I only see the good and I feel so distant.
No ET for me, but affection and admiration that turns sometimes into a fierce longing for something I'll never have (her friendship) or be (half as successful) and it's not even envy as it misses the bitter. I just wish I was closer to her under many points of view because I like her so much. She was one of a very few safe and comforting figures, and definitely the first healthy one. I couldn't help but cling to her (too much?).
I really like your T and the way she handles transference. Many mess up with it, let alone finding the courage to bring up the topic. Well done Rainbow.