Keep going as best you can Thiswayout, the worst times do pass, I read back to where you say some things that should be calming are triggering. I find that too, especially some types of relaxation or mindfulness exercises, I find it best to avoid them and use alternatives when I'm bad, or more active distraction. If I need to slow down and try to calm myself I use a breathing pattern that I like or try to concentrate on my body, pressure where I'm sitting/lying, what bits hurt or feel good and then concentrate on the part of my BODY feels best and what it feels like in that part to feel good, all the while concentrating on the pressure from the seat/bed/my feet and the safe room that I'm in so I don't drift away to unsafe thoughts or flashbacks. I may be talking out of place,but it's what helps me. Remember we want you to be safe. Be kind to yourself!