I'm starting to see how the people in my life have a negative impact on my mental health. I barely speak to anyone in my family but have maintained contact with a few. I've always thought of my friends as my family. Now I'm starting to see how some of them are exactly the same as my relatives.

My birthday is Tuesday and I've been depressed leading up to it. Not because I'm getting older but I really have no one to celebrate with. My cousin sent me a text last night saying she wanted to take me to brunch for my birthday this morning! Of course I drank the koolaid... I texted back "Yes! That's so nice of you! I'd love to go! What's the plan". It's the next afternoon and I've yet to hear back from her. Silly Me...

BUT I did get a 9am text from my very good friend! The office where we met is having a reunion bbq this summer and I sent her the information. She responded "No. I do not know anyone attending this event." I sent her a text saying "Gee, I thought you knew me." While we have both been away from the company for years we still know people who worked with us so this confused me. She said she didn't need to go to a bbq with strangers to see me. YET this is the same person who a few months ago invited herself to go with me to my friends wedding a person she has never met? She actually got annoyed when I told her it wasn't fair to my friend to pay for a person she didn't know to attend the reception.

I'm sitting here thinking....WTF? Why... HOW could I NOT have problems when these are the kinds of people I have in my life? My so called "good friend" I see maybe once a year. My other good friend has told me repeatedly she prefers to text or email. Many times she does not pick up the phone and is slow to return calls. For a long time I thought I was being to needy. Wanting or Needing to be in contact with so called friends is a need but there is nothing wrong with that or with me for needing a friend.

This birthday needs to be a changing point for me and the people I've considered important in my life. I need a change.

eta: People telling me to get over it, get out more, get involved! Yet when I try they have no time for me. Soooo I need to do all these thing just don't bother them while I get it done!