I am feeling so bad for you - my mom died of cancer on May 30. She lived only 2 weeks following her diagnosis - and one week after surgery. Her last two weeks were pure hell what with the hospital tests and the surgery. I was with her the last two days of her life - I had to be the one to tell her the doctors could not get all the cancer out - the docs would not tell her! At least I was able to be there with her - holding her hand, feeding her and holding her cup and straw so she could drink. She was not allowed anything by mouth until the day before she died. It was so sad. I know the grief you are feeling - there is nothing like it. I still miss her very much - but I know she is free now - I released her ashes into the ocean where she felt most at ease (she was a paranoid Schizophrenic). She was there with me at sunrise as I released her. She gave me a sunrise identical to one she had painted 10 years before. There is life after death - I don't know what it looks like but I have faith that she is with me now more than she was able to be during her "life". Take care of yourself - cry and grieve. And, if your community has a grief counseling service try that. We have a place called the Life Center in Tampa that provides free grief counseling if you can't afford the $25 fee. My heart goes out to you in your loss.