Growing up I did not witness a lot of crying in my family. I can remember things happening and being told "don't let a tear drop from your eye". We were taught to "man up" and show strength despite being girls. As I've gotten older I cry a lot more and now I cry almost every day. I feel like there is a well of sorrow within me threatening to drown me if I don't release it. Sometimes I can feel the pain of it clawing up my chest and into my throat. I try to force it back but I can't. Even now I feel it in my stomach building.

I do cry over beautiful things but honestly it's because they seem outside of my reach. I look at a photo of a beautiful sunrise and feel like I will never see that in real life. Why would I ever be so lucky. I see a video of people having a bonfire on the beach and think why would anyone invite me. I will never have that experience. Mostly I cry because I'm sad and I've been sad along time with no end in sight. In the past several months something new has also started. I cry after I eat. My family also wasn't big on actually saying "I Love You" or having physical contact. Love was shown with food. My Nana kept tons of sweets for all her grandchildren and most of my memories of her are in the kitchen. Now when I eat it reinforces how alone I am and how unloved I feel. I do feel better after I've cried. I feel the dark waters receding and I can move forward.

When I see someone else cry I want to comfort them. I try to mindful of another persons space so I don't charge in. I will give them tissues. Ask if I can sit them. Is it alright to talk or would they rather have silence. Is it alright to take their hand and/or hug them because I know some people don't like to be touched. In situations where the emotion is way to high for me to handle I will say so. Sometimes I have to dial it back so I don't feel like it's killing me. I try to do for others what I would want someone to do for me.