I actually stopped them myself last summer. Things sort of stopped making sense. Too many reoccurring patterns and my emotions were crazy... Sometimes too happy. They had me on so many meds because I had been lying and not wanting to deal with what's happened in my life. So taking mood stabilizers, anxiety, anti depressants, sleep aides... You name it is what I did. I didn't cope or deal. I was a robot performing basic functions.
I did this for more than 13 years. I worked as many jobs as possible, drank when I could at night... Anyway last summer I slowed down.. I remembered some things, so I slowly stopped my meds..... I decided to go back to school.... But I also realized that if I don't start to deal with what has happened it doesn't matter what I do I will never find peace, I'll never be free, have a decent relationship with an actual nice human being lol!
Life is precious. It can be stopped at any moment. I would rather try and live mine the way I want to live it. Follow my passions and dreams, not let others control my universe.

I am working with a therapist, and I am being honest. About Everything. I also go to DBT group once a week. So this is a lot for me. Therapy 2 a week, plus I have my oldest in therapy so it's actually more like 3 times a week.
I feel crazy most of the time and emotionally drained.
Group is hard. No else there has PTSD, I find it hard to connect. But unless I'm out having fun it's hard for me to connect with anyone on a serious note.

I got divorced a couple years ago, lost my house pretty much everything to a catholic man that though it was ok to punch me in the face for wanting to go back to school. Even after that I stayed. Until New Years two years ago when he left bruises on my oldest back. He left and said he couldn't deal with us anymore.
This time I went to the police and pressed charges. Got a restraining order. Did what I should have done long before.

So I live in my parents basement at 35 with three children. My oldest is from my first marriage (so is most of my trauma) she is 14, with Mr Holy I had two more. Ages 6 and 4.

I did by my dream car. A jeep. I stopped working full time to go back to school and spend more time with my kids. While I was married to Mr Holy I stayed home with them and didn't work. I wasn't aloud too.

My parents do not understand what I am going through nor do they try. But regardless of what they think of me or they way I parent I know I am good person. They asked me to move back so I wouldn't be homeless. Because I couldn't afford to keep the house. So I am trying to make the best out of one hell of a messed up situation to fix my brain.... Get a good education... Travel... Try to find me again. I am selfish about it I guess. I don't want to feel caged anymore.

It's hard for me to even be a parent. I'm here but I'm not. I love them with everything I have. But it's hard. I don't want to do it sometimes. Between the migraines, memory loss, mood swings, I just wish there was a beautiful place to go by the beach. A hospital or center for people with PTSD. Where you stay and have a safe place to work on yourself.. Where you can let go let out the emotions you trap inside..... No responsibility other than yourself... Then slowly integrate yourself back into life...

Well there is part well most of my story
So in a nutshell I'm a crazy 35 yr old whom lives in a basement with 3 kids.

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