Hi Born2Fly, I'd say that you've very clearly and reasonably put your thoughts and feelings across there.........although I'm guessing it took a lot of doing, so well done!!
And absolutely you shouldn't be jeopordising your life, your well-being in the interests of maintaining a relationship/someone else's happiness, you matter too!!
So some things with or without the relationship which may make your life better??
E.g. do you think maybe you could salvage some of/any of those old friendships?? Maybe try??
And certainly the meetings and church sound really important to you, so maybe you could return to them??
And btw MASSIVE KUDOS on overcoming alcohol and drugs, that was an incredible achievement!!!! Try not to let anyone put that at risk, hey??!!!
And more time with your father?? Time can be precious...........
So........"and an innate sense of duty to try and bring happiness to those around me".........you're absolutely right, you have a duty to yourself too. And right now that duty needs to be focused on you.
You have been through, overcome, and been through so much again..........but now it sounds like you're ready to stand up for yourself again, to focus on your best interests again.........so real respect there, don't let anything stand in your way!!!
And everything you can to get help with the depression and PTSD, hey??!! A T/counselor, a pdoc, your doctor??? And of course, talking on here!!!
And once again......well done on that discussion!!!!

Alison