Hi Elektra, I'm so sorry to hear how you are struggling. Aside from the feelings of depression (diagnosed or not) you sound extremely frustrated and angry. I obviously don't know anything about you or your situation, but there is help out there. There are people who care, and there's lots of us here on PC. To me, it sounds like your frustration (anger) is preventing you from accepting help even tho you are reaching out. I'm sorry I don't have words how to change this, but please know that the people here on PC are sincere. Everyone deserves happiness and I hope you at least keep posting to vent out your feelings. We are listening.