I really think I have ruined my life. I'm 32, have a fairly low paying job and rent my own apartment. I'm physically out of shape. I have very little savings, only a tiny pension, and I have no friends, no family, and no human contacts. I've failed my degree and have abandoned any kind of life plan except to move far away somewhere else, which is all I've ever done.

All of this is fixable, on the condition that each problem is broken down. Except that I am not sure that I have enough desire to bother staying alive. This isn't a post about suicide and I have no plan whatsoever for that, but at the same time, I am unsure if or why I am even alive. I am so ashamed at my blithering incompetence and mismanagement at being a man. As such, I have stopped counting myself as one, and I seem to exist in some strange world where I have the most distant access to emotions. It all feels completely insane, I just wish I knew what I am supposed to want out of life.

I also have recurring nightmares, some of which are extremely disturbing, but to say the least they are very difficult to deal with. I will wake up sweating and shaking and it can take a while to go back to sleep.

My mental health is so shaky, and I really need to take better care of myself but I can't seem to see reason or hope. I feel so behind in everything in life that I can not see sense. What is the way out of this?