I am a Christian but I think I have been where you are. I have thought that God had abandoned me, even hated me. I think depression is the hardest form of suffering. I would rather experience a physical ailment any day.

It is hard to understand why God would allow good people such as yourself to suffer. And I know the pain is immense because I have been there. I don't know the mind of God but I can only think that underneath all the pain there is some purpose we can't see for the moment for what you are going thru.

So hang on tight. You have a purpose to discover in life.

Romans 8:18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us."

In love I wish you the best.