Am so so sorry you had such a rotten childhood.
You were a good kid & none of it was your fault.
I am in U.S. and from what I've read, on here, the
NHS can be difficult to deal with when it comes to
mental health.

Do you see/or can get a therapist? Maybe get a referral
for a pdoc to possibly try meds. Some people believe in
them some don't.

Thank you for sharing your story. You are very courageous
and compassionate. Time to take care of yourself.

Hopefully you'll get more responses & better advice.
Just wanted you to know someone read your post and
believe in you.

Take good care. (((gentle hugs)))