I know how you feel and I am so sorry. I know how it feels, no matter how healthy, how unhealthy, how big or small. The shame and guilt just builds up and theres this constant conflict, do i want to get better and be okay or just keep going with this?

I hate hating my body as well, but there are so many worse consequences to bulimia and consistent purging on our bodies. When we just need to work on self love. I still don't know how to achieve it but I just want to tell you, that you are lovely I am certain of that and you deserve to be kind to yourself. As does everyone on this site really.

I know its a long process but we just have to work on it.
A little tip my therapist told me to think about when I wanted to purge was, all these bad thoughts, poor body image, bad self-talk, all of it, would you want someone so close to you, someone you love to be treating/talking to themselves like that? Would you ever want them to destroy themselves the way you do? IF it helps, focus on someone you love so much and think, what if they were doing that to themselves, would you do anything to stop them from it to show them they are beautiful. Well you have to do the same for yourself. You gotta take care of yourself too. <3
Promise you, we are worth it.